This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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