I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
