Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My dick has a subreddit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
