Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
