Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
