Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
