It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
