She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
