Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this just has baby written all over it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
