We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
