i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
