I think I died a long time ago.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
