If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
