Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
