He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
