Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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