My boss' voice literally gives me gas
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
