If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
