What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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