You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
