Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
