I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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