my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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