god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
