Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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