thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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