why didn't you poke me back
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
