don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
