I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
