is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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