Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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