when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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