You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
