His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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