so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
