Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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