I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
