I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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