You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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