it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
