you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
