my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
