Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
