My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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