i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
