You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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