Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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