he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
