i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
