oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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