In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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