you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
this hospital has no fireball
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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