Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
