He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
