Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
