maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
