Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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