I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
