She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
