so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
