you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
