You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
