somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You may now shotgun with the bride
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
