Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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