it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
